“We had it all planed out. We wanted 3 kids, we had a cut off of when to stop having kids, we knew how far apart we wanted them to be. So we started our journey of becoming parents.
I got pregnant with baby #1 very easily. The pregnancy went perfectly and I now have a very smart 5 year old boy.
I got pregnant with baby #2 right on schedule and that pregnancy went easily as well, except that I was due in August and it was a hot hot summer. So I stayed in the air conditioning as much as I could. She is now a happy and energetic 3 year old.
Then it was time to get pregnant again, and I did! I went to the doctor for my first visit at 11 weeks, and had an ultrasound, and we discovered that there was no heartbeat and the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. I came home and sat with my husband and cried. So many different thoughts were going around my head. I didn’t know how to tell my children, we had just told them there was a baby in my belly. I didn’t know how to tell facebook, we had just put up our pregnancy announcement. I didn’t know how I was going to do anything. So I cried.
I went to the hospital the next day for a d&c. That was horrible as soon as I got inside the building. I tried to check in at the front desk and figure out where I was supposed to go, and they asked me 100 questions about why I was there, because I wasn’t on the list. After that I didn’t stop crying.
It was hard to feel like doing anything after that. I think I sat on the couch and let my kids watch as much TV as they wanted for the whole month of December. It took me a month to want to do anything, or talk about anything.
One thing that helped me was Adventures in Odyssey. It’s a children’s program that I listened to all the time when I was little. There is one episode called “Forever…. Amen” it’s about a young boy who’s mother has a miscarriage. I listened to that episode a couple times and cried and cried and felt so much better, after remembering how God is always there for His people.
My children accepted the news with a little bit of sadness, but they have so much understanding, that I don’t understand. But it is amazing! My son asked me about a month later about the baby in my belly, and I reminded him that the baby went up to heaven, and wasn’t in my belly anymore, he accepted that answer so easily.
We had planted apple trees in our backyard for our first two kids, and in the spring we planted another one for the baby we lost. I can’t wait till those trees produce flowers and apples.
His due date had been in June and when the day came, I cried again. So much crying happened that year.
It took us a while to get pregnant after that, and I started to worry that something was wrong. Why was it taking so long, we needed to have another baby to heal the rest of the way, why was it not happening. My husband and I talked about what we would do if it went months and or years before we got pregnant again.
Once I got pregnant I was terrified, absolutely terrified that something would go wrong, and how in the world was I going to handle 3 kids. I was constantly scared that I would lose this baby. I kept telling myself that once I could feel the baby move it would be less scary because I would know that he was still alive. And it did get easier when I could feel him, but I still worried. The doctors gave me a couple extra ultrasounds in order to reassure me that everything was fine.
And everything was fine! Absolutely perfect! My little rainbow baby is 6 months now. And he is the happiest, most smiley baby ever! We love him so much, and can’t imagine life without him.
I still don’t understand exactly why God had this timeline for us, when we definitely had our own plan for how life was going to go. But having a rainbow baby has opened so many doors to make friends and to have understanding for other women who have gone through this.
And now we have four apple trees in our backyard that we will be able to enjoy!”
If you are expecting a rainbow baby in 2018, and would like more info on how to be a part of next years project ? email me at firstname.lastname@example.org